Still struggling with the story itself, next revision


Interior of a bedroom, it’s dark and we can see the moon/streetlights coming in through the thin curtains, a mobile phone starts to ring in the foreground, lighting up the bedside table and we see a shape in the bed.

Roused by the noise, a hand reaches out from the covers ( towards us) and grabs the phone, the figure in the bed puts it to his ear but then turns his back to us and has it on his left ear.

We cannot hear what is being said, but it’s a male voice, urgent, slightly angry and the figure in the bed sits up, away from us and we ….. where? (close up on his mouth, lit from the light of the screen, his face is stubbly)

The phone call ends abruptly with our character punching the red end call button (close up on the button on the phone and the screen turning off).

He looks out of the curtains and we see him from behind, his hair is straggly and he rubs his hand through it, and over his face in a pulling down motion, and then flicks up his hood.

We hear him say… I can’t do this again…. Shaking his head

As he sits there, he reaches down and – you assume – he pulls on his boots. Then he stands and exits.

We see boots on the stairs in near darkness and  they quickly go downstairs, as they exit shot we hold and hear the door slam and then footsteps going away as we are left with the sound of a clock ticking, and starting to chime.

Cut to outside and we see our hooded figure going down a lit alley/street away from us.


A new visual storyboard for the story here…Ideas


so this has changed direction slightly, it still keeps the darkness but is now trying to be more literal in the search. Is the last place they go to find themselves, where a tragic accident happens, in the end do we see a carer talking aside from a pulled back shot, saying ” he does this every night” and we realise he is compulsive about his search but to complete his therapy they let him follow the last steps in the hope it aids his mental recovery….

maybe the phone ringing isn’t what it appears, perhaps it’s an alarm that he sets every night and the reveal could be where we see the phone is not taking a call but he is turning off the alarm, which could be simply called Danny.

Liam didn’t like the phone idea, suggesting it could be a ghostly call from beyond the grave and we hear a disembodied voice talking to our character, is this his conscience getting him up and out every night, on a cycle of spiraling madness…

An internalised conversation, ending up with him by the river, head in hands in tears, then we see a newspaper cutting of a headline ‘ tragic accident by the river ‘ hinting at a fatal accident for our characters friend… maybe he’s a ghost…

It still comes down to why is he looking, all the different alternatives for a search, based on a slight mental problem, an unhingement… perhaps you could see fragments pointing to a hidden story, or that explain more than we hear. The sound could play a major role in hinting at more to the story than just a search, more background.

as they say on the TV… to be continued…